Cardinal Wuerl wrote a book called “What Do You Want To Know?” Here’s our top 10 responses:

10. How Do You Sleep at Night?

Francis Bacon - Red Cardinal

(Francis Bacon, 1960 – Seated Figure/Red Cardinal. Nighty night, babe)

9. Whose body of written work do you find more horrifying?

a) Stephen King; 25 Things You Might Not Know About The Shining

b) HP Lovecraft; HP Lovecraft - The Complete Works

c) the Pennsylvania Grand Jury Report?

8. On that theme: which of the following is scarier to you?

a) Pennywise the Dancing Clown; It: Chapter 2 gets release date. Here’s when Pennywise the Clown will return

b) Cthulhu; Cthulhu for President

c) belief in a just God combined with your own sense of impending mortality?

7. Would Sinéad O’Connor really have done a worse job?

6. Does it give you all a sense of achievement, that you’ve arguably made the Catholic hierarchy look like a conspiracy theory in a Jack Chick comic strip? Jack Chick

5. Jesus literally said that millstones should be put around the necks of people like abusers (and that they be thrown into the sea); and yet now – all of a sudden – the Pope calls for… a total ban on the death penalty. Coincidence? 🤔

4. A lot of people have noticed that there is an absurdly high concentration of closeted homosexuals in the Catholic hierarchy; and that this has produced both

a) an unhealthy culture of secrecy, warped psychology, and potential blackmail, that enables predatory behaviour to thrive and self-perpetuate; and

b) two neurotic, and competing camps of closeted conservative and liberal gay clerics, locked in a Cold War.

Couldn’t we just solve everyone’s major problems, by splitting the difference between them, and… allow priests to marry – but only to other priests? The emperor’s new clothes(and we’ve been meaning to say something: seriously, what’s with the frilly-dress things? You know how it is… people talk)

3. Do you think the Catholic Hierarchy currently qualifies as “objectively disordered”?

2. Why is it that, when we most need the repentance of Robert de Niro’s character in The Mission, Paradise Lost all we get is a legion of Bill Lumbergs from Office Space?

1. What Did You Know?

Cardinal Wuerl has recently written – and my right hand to God I’m not making this up – What Do You Want to Know: A Pastor’s Response to the Most Challenging Questions about the Catholic Faith which has now been canceled by his spoil-sport publisher in the aftermath of reports he colluded in a coverup of widespread institutional sex-abuse. He has also cancelled his appearance as a keynote speaker at – and again as God is my witness I do not lie – The World Gathering of Families in Dublin.

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